Television that didn’t need to be made and doesn’t need to be watched.

Madonna’s face doesn’t move much and Graham’s trousers are a little on the baggy side. This much-hyped long-form video is little more than an extended promo dressed up as a candid interview, the journalism nonexistent and the ego massage off the scale. Graham nods to the beat, Madonna reacts, producer Stuart Price fiddles with his laptop. There’s a snatch of the origin story when some  much-needed credibility is located, though this slips through the production’s fingers. Kylie crops up serving cheap wine and an orange cocktail, but it all looks painfully forced. A ridiculously coy exchange about a supposed UK tour follows, after which any question about chemistry between the two is answered conclusively. The hype about this piece of entertainment tells you everything you need to know, assuming this review hasn’t. A tiresome, underplayed missed opportunity that didn’t need to be made.